What is Happening When You Get Triggered?

A trigger is a strong emotional reaction to something in the present that is rooted in the past. It is your nervous system responding to a perceived threat- even if you are safe in the present moment.

Common signs of being triggered:

• Sudden anger, fear, sadness, or shame.
• Wanting to shut down, lash out or please others.
• Physical signs: racing heart, shallow breathing, clenched jaw, and knots in the stomach.

When you are triggered, it is often not about what is happening now, but rather your body reacting to a wound that has never fully healed.

Recognising Old Wounds

Old wounds are unprocessed emotional experiences-usually from childhood or past relationships- that left a deep impression on how we feel about ourselves and others.

Clues that a past wound is being touched:

• Your reaction feels bigger than the situation calls for
• You are having a hard time staying in the present moment
• You feel like a younger version of yourself
• You think in extremes “I am always like this, no one ever listens to me, I’m never safe”

Common core wounds:

• Rejection- feeling unwanted, left out, or excluded
• Abandonment- fear that people will leave or stop loving you
• Betrayal- being lied to, used, or let down
• Neglect- emotional needs not being met
• Shame- feeling like you are not good enough or fundamentally flawed.

Examples of Triggers & Underlying Wounds

Example 1:

Trigger: Your friend doesn’t reply to your text message all day.

Reaction: You feel panicked, rejected and spiral into self-doubt

Possible wound: Childhood abandonment or feeling emotionally ignored

Growth opportunity: Practice self-soothing, reflect; “Is this about now, or something deeper?”, and challenge the story: “Not replying doesn’t mean I am not important”.

Example 2:

Trigger: Your partner gives you constructive criticism.

Reaction: You feel attacked, ashamed, or like you failed.

Possible Wound: Feeling constantly judged or criticised as a child

Growth Opportunity: Notice the shame, pause, and affirm: “Feedback isn’t rejection. I’m allowed to be imperfect”.

Example 3:

Trigger: Someone set a boundary with you.

Possible Wound: Past experiences where boundaries meant punishment or withdrawal of love.

Growth Opportunity: Learn that healthy boundaries protect relationships- they don’t destroy them.

How to Grow Through Your Triggers

Name it to tame it: Simply noticing “I am feeling triggered” activates the thinking part of your brain and helps you remain calm

Pause and Breath

You don’t have to act on a trigger. Take deep breaths, feel your feet on the ground and notice your surroundings.

Get curious, not critical

Ask yourself

• “What does this remind me of?”
• “Have I felt this way before?”
• “What did I believe about myself back then?”

Reframe the Story

Old wounds carry stories like “I am not safe”, or” I am not lovable.” You can challenge these beliefs with truth and compassion

Talk About it

Working through triggers with a counsellor or journaling helps process the past so it no longer hijacks the present.

REMEMBER

Healing does not mean you will never get triggered. It means you have learned to recognise the signs, respond with awareness, and don’t let the past control your future.

Your triggers are not flaws- they are invitations to heal.

Each one can teach you something important about where you still need care, compassion, and safety