Being your authentic self means living in a way that is true to your values, emotions, and beliefs, rather than conforming to external pressures or social expectations. It involves self-awareness honesty, and congruence between your inner experience and outward behaviour.
Key aspects of “the authentic self”:
- Self-awareness– Knowing your own thoughts, feelings, motivations, and values.
- Self-acceptance– Embracing all parts of yourself, including your imperfections.
- Integrity- Acting in alignment with your values, even when it’s difficult.
- Vulnerability- Willingness to be seen as you truly are.
Why do we struggle to be authentic?
- Fear of rejection or judgement.
We hide parts of ourselves to be accepted, as from an evolutionary standpoint being excluded from a group once meant danger or even death, so we are hard-wired to seek approval.
- Social conditioning.
From a young age we learn what is “acceptable” from family, culture or school, and over time we internalise roles and mask who we really are.
- Low self-esteem.
If you don’t believe your real self is “good enough” you may hide it.
- Trauma or shame
Negative past experiences, especially involving emotional pain or rejection, can lead people to suppress their true selves.
Why authenticity matters:
Authenticity is linked to improved mental health and life satisfaction, deeper relationships, reduced anxiety, depression, and burnout.
Developing authenticity is a lifelong process, here are some practical steps you can take toward being your authentic self.
- Journaling: What do I really care about?
When do I feel most like myself? What drains me or feels fake?
- Values clarification: Write down your top 5 values and ask your self “Am I living by them?
- Check your “should”: Notice when you do things because you feel you should, not because you want
- Notice the mask you wear: Ask yourself: Am I doing/saying this to be accepted, or because it’s true to me? Observe when you people-please, avoid conflict, or shrink yourself to fit in.
- Practice honest expression: Practice saying what you really think or feel in low-risk situations. Use ‘I’ statements: “I feel…”, “I need…”, “I believe…”. Respectfully disagree when appropriate. Remember being authentic includes having your own voice.
- Set Boundaries: You can’t be true to yourself if you are always bending to others. Therefore, learn to say no without over-explaining, notice when you override your own needs just to avoid discomfort, and ask yourself what do I need right now?
- Accept that not everyone will approve: Authenticity often comes with friction, but that is good sign that you are showing up honestly, not a sign you are doing something wrong. Redefine rejection and remind yourself the right people will connect with the real you.
- Be compassionate with yourself: You are changing old habits, so you are not going to get it right all the time and that’s ok.
